From a legal standpoint, a divorce is in some ways similar to a business deal. Marital assets are dissolved and/or equitably split between the invested parties, and even the creation of a parenting plan can start to feel like an exercise in scheduling. Underneath it all, though, there are emotions, including hurt, anger, betrayal, a sense of loss, and grief. At times, this can lead to post-divorce depression. Taking the time to acknowledge the emotional aspects of divorce and address them in healthy ways can help you cope with the stress on your mental health.

Learn to Recognize When You Need Help

Too often, people coming out of a divorce feel ashamed of their perceived “failure.” As a result, they may shy away from asking for help. Reframing your divorce as the end of a journey rather than a shortcoming can allow you to move past it, and a strong support system can help you to do so. With this in mind, seek help when and where you need it. You might consider talking to a grief counselor, the pastor at your church, a friend who has gone through divorce, your family, or a divorce support group.

Many of these options are readily available and waiting for an opportunity to show their love and support, so let them. Ask for your mom to pick up the kids from school if you are stuck at work or just need an afternoon to sit with your emotions. Go to the movies with your best friend. Give yourself permission to lean on the people who love you most, and never be afraid to ask for professional help.

For many couples, the advice they get as they experience a divorce can often seem repetitive and, at times, even useless. Hearing the same suggestions for a successful, happy post-divorce life over and over again can be discouraging, especially when those suggestions seem downright unrealistic. We all know the standard recipe for a healthy lifestyle: eat well, exercise, and make time to do things we enjoy. On the surface, this formula for well-being appears practical, but when your marriage is in the midst of ending, it is not always so easy to strike that balance.

Finding Your Balance

Everyone adjusts differently to a divorce, depending on your personal situation and the circumstances that led up to the split. It is helpful to recognize that there is no need to rush through your emotional recovery, as it is a natural process that needs to take place. However, it is also a good idea to set goals for yourself and to be aware of signs that you are in a rut and are having trouble with the transition. 

Keeping Your Expectations Realistic

The end of a marriage can feel like a personal failure, so it is easy to become your own worst critic. By keeping the expectations you have for yourself realistic as you work to heal and move on, you increase your chances of living a healthier, more balanced lifestyle throughout the divorce period. Research backs this up: the American Psychological Association (APA) reports that those who treat themselves with kindness and compassion have an easier time managing life while going through a divorce.