Tag Archives: co-parenting

Co-Parenting with Your Ex’s New Spouse or Partner

Wheaton, Il Family Law AttorneyDivorce is one of the hardest decisions anyone can make. Unfortunately, the adjustments do not end as soon as the divorce agreement is finalized. Eventually, life does move forward, and both parties will begin new relationships that may result in marriage.

When children are involved, starting a new relationship means inviting someone else into their lives, something that should not be taken lightly. Here are some tips to help you co-parent with your ex-spouse’s new significant other:

Keep Your Feelings in Check

Effective co-parenting is essential for the well-being of your child. Although it is natural to experience moments of jealousy, anger, sadness, or regret, it is essential not to allow that to interfere with the task at hand: effective co-parenting. If you recognize these emotions within yourself, use your support system to work through them. Take this time to lean on your friends, family, or a therapist so when it comes time to interact with your ex’s new partner, you can maintain a cool, calm, and collected demeanor.

Kids Are Not Your Support System

Although we all want to be close with our children by being the person they choose to confide in, your problems are not their burden to bear. They love both you and your ex equally, and will likely soon grow to love your ex’s new partner. Luckily, children have the innate ability to love unconditionally and without end. There is room in their life for all of you. Do not let any personal insecurities you might experience allow you to speak poorly of the new person in their lives. No one can replace you in your child’s life. Using your parenting time with your child to foster ill-feelings is a poor use of this precious time and only tarnishes your relationship with them. Instead, spend time creating new memories they will cherish forever.

Support Your Children

Your children may be confused and slightly uneasy about the transition. It is important to remember this throughout the change. Consistency helps create stability, so do not miss your engagements on the schedule. Be on time or early to every pickup. Reduce as many disruptions as possible. Communicate directly with your ex, and their new spouse, to ensure everyone is on the same page and that your children always come first.

Ask a DuPage County Divorce Attorney

If your spouse remarried or is in a new relationship and a legal adjustment is necessary, a Wheaton, IL child custody modification lawyer can help. The knowledgeable attorneys at Andrew Cores Family Law Group understand the emotional impact of these transitions and will work to alleviate some of the stress. Let us help you find the best solution. Call our office today at 630-871-1002 to schedule your free initial consultation.

Sources:

http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?ActID=2086&SeqStart=8300000&SeqEnd=10000000

http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs5.asp?ActID=2497

Successful Co-Parenting During the Holiday Season

DuPage County parenting time lawyer holiday seasonDealing with divorce and separation can be tricky around the holidays, especially when children are involved. Kids may focus on their memories of Christmases past and struggle with their emotions as they adjust to the way their lives have changed this year. Rather than allowing the holiday season to become filled with anger, resentment, sadness, and stress, it is your duty as a parent to generate excitement for this season, giving the gift of joy to both your children, and even to your ex, by creating a parenting time arrangement that works for everyone.

Here are a couple of tips for making that possible:

Do Not Make Children Choose

You and your spouse may disagree about who gets to have parenting time on Christmas Day. Perhaps you cannot come to a civil agreement, because the holiday is equally important to each of you. Whatever you do, do not put the burden of choice on your children. Holiday parenting schedules should be outlined in your parenting time agreement to avoid any confusion.

Your children have bravely endured the changes that come with their parents’ separation, and the last thing that they will want is to choose between the two people they love most in the world. Even if they do have a preference, they may feel uneasy about disclosing their choice, because they do not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Parents should work to create a holiday parenting time arrangement and make sure children understand how time will be divided between parents.

One example of a co-parenting holiday arrangement is: one parent gets to spend time with the children on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, while the other parent has the kids during the evening for a family Christmas dinner. In some cases, parents may be able to put aside their differences aside for the sake of the kids and enjoy the day together. The latter option should only be considered if you and your ex can be civil for extended periods.

Begin New Traditions

In the past, your kids may have received holiday pajamas on Christmas Eve and enjoyed hot chocolate and candy canes, followed by family photos of everyone wearing matching pajamas on Christmas Day. Attempting to recreate these types of family traditions after your separation without the participation of the other parent can result in confusion and difficult emotions for children. To avoid this, you should try to get creative as you forge new holiday memories. This year, come up with new traditions, such as dressing in your pajamas and going caroling, reading by the fireplace, or watching holiday movies with some popcorn.

Contact a DuPage County Family Law Attorney

If you are currently going through a separation or divorce and are having trouble determining a parenting agreement that works for both you and your ex-spouse, a Wheaton divorce lawyer can help. At Andrew Cores Family Law Group, we have helped many families reach agreements that work for their situation, and we can do the same for you. Schedule your free initial consultation by calling our office at 630-871-1002.

Sources:

http://coparently.com/co-parenting-through-holidays

Back to School Co-Parenting

back to school, DuPage County family law attorneysThe stores are filled with sales on pencils, notebooks, folders, and backpacks. This could only mean one thing: it is back-to-school season! If you are a parent, you have probably been buying supplies, meeting new teachers, and getting back into the swing of the school year. Things may be especially chaotic if you have recently split from your spouse. How can parents manage school schedules and responsibilities while sharing parental responsibilities with their ex? There is no perfect way to co-parent but experts do have some advice for newly divorced parents helping their child go back to school.

  • Do not be afraid to involve the school staff. If you are worried about how your child will deal with the strain of school on top of dealing with a changing family, you are not alone. Many families have found themselves in a similar position. The teachers, counselors and other school staff have probably helped dozens of students through such family changes. Do not be afraid to reach out and let your child’s teacher know what is going on at home.
  • Check the school’s website for valuable information. As technology becomes a greater and greater part of our everyday lives, many schools are utilizing the internet in order to communicate with parents. Make sure you get on any email or text lists your child’s school may use and check out the school’s website for information. Many schools even post grades online so that parents can see how their children are doing in their classes.
  • Get on a consistent schedule. Parenting experts agree that children thrive when their lives are predictable and scheduled. If it is possible, talk to your ex and work out when the child will wake up and when he or she will go to sleep. Will he or she finish homework before or after dinner? Try to have a similar schedule and rules as the child’s other parent.
  • Avoid burdening your child with adult worries. As tempting as it is to “trash-talk” a deadbeat ex, doing so will only burden your child with information that they are not equipped to handle. Even if you do not get along with the child’s other parent, remember that they are still an important part of your child’s life. If you need to have a tough conversation with your ex, stick to the facts, and keep the details between the adults.
  • Communicate with the other parent. Those who share a child with an ex-spouse are in a different situation than those who do not. Divorced couples who do not have children are able to make a clean break from each other. Once a divorce is finalized, they can move on with their lives. Couples who share a child do not have this ability. Even though you have decided not to be in a romantic relationship with your child’s other parent, you will still have to communicate with him or her regarding your child’s well-being. It can be a difficult process but your child will be happier and healthier for it.

We Can Help

If the back-to-school season has revealed issues that need to be addressed in your parenting plan, contact an experienced Wheaton family law attorney. Call 630-871-1002 for a free consultation with the Andrew Cores Family Law Group today.

 

Sources:

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/news/Pages/Back-to-School-Tips.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-takes-depression/201203/the-dos-and-donts-co-parenting-well